About Change and Loss

In every stage of our lives, we are forced to confront losses. When we speak of loss here, we are not referring only to the death of “significant others,” but also to their symbolic disappearance from our inner world while they are still alive. Moreover, from a broader perspective, it is not only about others; we can also speak of loss in relation to objects, habits, and past experiences.

Just as those who lose loved ones go through a process of mourning, the tensions created by life changes can also manifest in similar grief-like processes. For this reason, it may be useful to conceptualize processes of change as forms of loss, and to understand them through the lens of mourning.

Adolescents, young adults who have recently graduated and entered life, individuals who are forced to migrate, or those going through major life transitions are just a few examples of groups that experience this kind of grief process. Stepping away from the familiar and secure “old” and moving toward an uncertain and unpredictable “new” can, in fact, be likened to the gradual separation from the mother-infant symbiosis in early life and the emergence of a more autonomous position.

Although these processes can be unsettling, change ultimately leads to liberation and enriches our experiences.

The healthy position here is, much like the infant’s progression toward becoming a subject, to be able to embrace change and face the negative emotions it evokes within us. It is also helpful to set aside what change takes from us and instead focus on the new perspectives it opens up. To the extent that we can achieve this, we can stop wounds from reopening again and again, help them heal properly, and continue our lives in a more “matured” way.