The Secret to Happy Relationships

Dr. John & Julie Gottman developed a theory consisting of the nine components of healthy relationships as a result of their long years of research. According to this theory, couples with happy relationships—namely the "masters of relationships"—utilize the following nine principles in their relationships. These are:

Trust: Knowing that your partner considers your interests and benefits, not just their own, and acts accordingly. In other words, being able to say, "My spouse has my back and is here for me."

Commitment: Believing that your relationship with your partner is a lifelong journey. For instance, saying, "I can spend a lifetime with this person." It also involves appreciating your partner's positive qualities and showing gratitude to them by comparing them to other real or imaginary people.

Building Love Maps: Involves having knowledge about your partner's inner psychological world, past, worries, fears, stress, interests, and hopes.

Sharing Fondness and Admiration: Involves being curious about and interested in each other in the relationship. Along with feeling fondness and admiration for your partner, it also includes sharing this with them.

Turning Toward Each Other and Building an Emotional Bank Account: Involves turning toward each other in small moments throughout the day. For example, this could be a small touch or tossing out a casual remark to start a conversation with your partner. It also includes sharing your needs within the relationship. Sharing your feelings and needs with your partner is an important factor that builds emotional intimacy.

The Positive Perspective: Involves having a positive outlook toward oneself and one's partner. It includes being open to talking about problems and making repair attempts.

Managing Conflict: It is more appropriate to say "managing" conflict rather than "solving" it, because it is not possible to resolve all disagreements in a relationship. It is more fitting to accept the disagreements in the relationship and talk about them. The crucial point is being open to establishing a dialogue regarding the problems. When a new idea comes from the partner, it involves listening to the partner and thinking about that idea rather than cutting them off or dismissing it.

Making Life Dreams Come True: Involves creating an atmosphere where your partner can talk about their hopes, dreams, values, inspirations, and beliefs. It means supporting your partner in making their dreams come true.

Creating Shared Meaning: In a relationship, two people from different backgrounds come together. By creating a "we-culture" together, they bring forth perspectives, opinions, stories, and rituals regarding the relationship. For example, it is about having things where you can say, "In our relationship/family, birthdays are celebrated in... way," or "For us, the meaning of money is..."